I wonder how many times I yell to my kids “STOP IT” “WHAT IS GOING ON IN THERE?” “WILL YOU JUST STOPPP!” And stressing out to no end..
I’m just trying to clean my house 😭
We moved into our new home 2 years ago on January 3rd.. and I’m stillllll cleaning and organizing.  Why? Because i have 3 kids.. and as soon as I’m finally done going through one of their clothes and switching out to new sizes.. the one I did before already outgrew those clothes. The laundry has never stopped and neither have the dishes. It seems like everything is always full.. The sink, the laundry baskets, our agendas, our kids at dinner haha!! Etc..etc..
But you know what is so crazy about all of it.. my heart has never been MORE full…
… I never knew what people meant when they said ..”I just want to go home.” I would always think to myself.. why? What is there?
What’s so special about “home.”
Living alone doing the same thing day in and day out and never finding an actual place to be comfortable in .. that “home” feeling isn’t experienced there.
Well now.. I found where I belong and my purpose .. this is my home and i love every freaking inch of it and everything under its roof.
It’s a saturday morning, dad already left for work (sucks we dont have weekends ) BUT we HAVE watched Toy story, made smoothies, played legos, cleaned the playroom, the dishes, a load of laundry..
and I am SO incredibly grateful for all of this today …
For my boyfriend so committed to his family he gets up on Saturday mornings so I can stay home
For my kids and their health
For the groceries that went into our smoothies
For the toys that we had to clean up
For the love that is overflowing in my home..
AND IT IS CURRENTLY 55 DEGREES IN THE MIDDLE OF WINTER. So here we come park! Time to put all of the responsibilities on hold today and BE KIDS!! (One of my favorite parts about parenting 😁)

BUT ON TOP OF IT ALL….I have accomplished one of my goals that I NEVER even knew I had..

I now just want to go home too… finally.

It is morning and I am hoping to sleep just 5 more minutes, but my 2 year old is now climbing on me before my eyes are even open. Next thing you know, my 1 yr old is up.. I open my eyes..”OMG, WHAT TIME IS IT?” I jump up in a hurry and throw on whatever is closest to the bed… my 9 yr old needs to be up and ready to catch the bus too. So many things to do, do I have enough time? I start making a mental list to keep track of the mental load for my family of 5. What day is it? Does my 2 yr old have school? (He goes to prek Mon, Wed,Fri.) Are their lunches packed? Is it band today, does my daughter need her instrument? Is it Monday? Is there Volleyball? Oh I need diapers. Hopefully I can shower today. I HAVE to do atleast 3 loads of laundry today to keep up. Crap.. didnt have time to major clean the bathrooms.. put that on the list.. What can I make for breakfast? What should I do for lunch? Do i need groceries? Diapers? Milk? What should I make for dinner? My kids all need baths, is homework complete? Did I do my OWN homework for school? Ugh did I get gas or will I be late ? What activities can I do with my kids today? Am I even doing enough? Omg there is so much in the mental load.. where to even begin or end? Half of this stuff I won’t remember until the same thing happens tomorrow when I open my eyes, the other half will get done, and I will also have some other random things I accomplish in the day HOPEFULLY! So I make my way(that sounds to leisurely, I’ll say rush haha!!) down stairs to begin the role of “Mom” today. And the day begins…

Being a stay at home mother is so many different emotions all in one. My goal is too show the TRUTHS of parenting and all the feelings and emotions that come along with it !!I love my kids so damn much and I also love raising them, butttt I would probably also PAY to have a regular job right now. Am I wrong ? To most Karens.. yes.. “I should embrace this opportunity, I am so lucky, blah blah blah” I know all of that and I get it .. trust me. I’m here to be honest and to share my day to day experiences with all of you .. in Hopes that atleast one of you can relate and not feel so alone. Because this job is just that.. ISOLATION. I didn’t know about any of this when I left my job in order to raise our children and my boyfriend accepted his job offer, which meant LONG hours. Oh but I know now.. I cant tell you how many times I have called or texted him in tears saying I just can’t do it anymore. Its tiring, it’s draining, and it takes every ounce of human left inside of you some days. Some days I swear I would sleep in the woods.. just for some damn silence… but then when there actually is silence in our home.. it feels like something is off! I live for these days and the chaos of my kiddos! It is my life, all day every day, I choose my family FIRST.

… okay let me interrupt myself real quick… because none of this will be written in one sitting.. well I doubt it. So everytime you see these … I had to stop to tend to someone or something and I’m back LOL! It’s mom life for real over here. With that being said ..

Can I just tell you about my last 35 minutes .. OK .. so my 1 yr old (boy) is in this stage where he wants to say ow and cry all the time then do really dangerous things.. so he is doing that.. I’m trying to serve these kids dinner .. my 9 yr old is occupying him.. I serve dinner.. I turn the TV off.. “Dinner time! Get in your seats! ” My 3 year old decides to have a meltdown.. this is 2 minutes after he yells “ME!” When I ask who is eating (they all have a plate.. I dont know why I even ask that). Okay so he is pissed beyond belief.. so pissed he makes him self throw up.. (it has happened and if it hasnt happened to you, kudos!) So he throws up on the rug I just cleaned and floors also all of the clean blankets I just brought up from the laundry . Awesome! He also just had a bath. Anyways I put him back in the shower and go to clean up the throw up when I notice my 1 yr old throwing all of his food on the floor I just also cleaned! So I am picking that up as he is throwing more into my hair so I did not realize our dog is EATING THE PUKE! (There goes my friggin appetite) well the dog realizes he is nasty and proceeds to throw up. So now there is double throw up. Double. Dog, kid, dog and kid, kid and dog.. fuxk it.. it is just everywhere. This is my life, every day, all day.. mom life. BUT it is almost 7pm, which means dad will make his 45 minute trip home SOON!🙄Oh how I miss him when he is gone.

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton